Comparing yourself with another Facebook mom!! May I say please don’t?
Are you one of those Facebook moms who spends quality time in FB checking your feed and ‘like’ pictures of friends’ kids?
Or worse, you are part of some fabulous mom groups and get to see overwhelming ‘perfect’ posts and makes you feel guilty that you aren’t doing enough for your child ?
I have news for you, you are not alone.
Yes, parenting is tough(don’t remember anyone saying it is easy ;-)) and that’s the hardest role I have come across. I guess you would be in a similar situation as mine, if not the same.
You get to see many perfect moms on Facebook, while you sit here with a cranky toddler who wouldn’t let you change his dress or wouldn’t let you give her a bath for the third day in a row.
Well, the perfect moms have a clean home, perfectly arranged toys, colour coordinated rooms, a separate art room or a play area (well I didn’t have my own room till I got married), a themed activity shelf, loads of DIY materials whereas you couldn’t draw a simple apple without a scale and pencil.
Duhh, that’s what facebook shows us.
Ooops, I have to reframe my statement. That is what people post on facebook for us to see.
I have been there as well, I have posted many a pics on my facebook page and some mom groups as well.
But there is a lot behind my pinterest worthy pics.
Yup, I edit them. I remove/crop the messy elements from the picture and post only what I think looks beautiful on my phone screen.
But in reality, I have a messy home (if I may add not always though) which I do not have the energy to clean up and there is my son who is working on an activity without an underwear sometimes.
I obviously cut out those parts which I do think people will validate me upon.
Somewhere, Facebook started to depress me and it started to define my parenting style.
The moment I started to read some posts on moms group, I started to feel low and felt like a total failure.
I saw things, which I could not and would not be able to do any day.
Themed shelf baffles me. I did that once and failed miserably at that. It was too time consuming to set those activities and to have (read force) my son to work on that.
In a separate post I would talk about why these themed shelf/letter of the week are not worthy of its effort.
That is when I realized that I was comparing myself with another mom who had the time and luxury and may be more money to buy/do stuff for their little ones.Yes, like those wise people say “comparison is a thief of joy”. I was losing myself in the battle and would feel low every time I got notifications from mom groups.
I finally happened to open about this to few of my friends (whom I have gotten close through those same groups) and got to know that it wasn’t just me- but even they felt the same.
So, who are these people who make you feel low or come across like supermoms who inspire people a lot?
1. They could be bloggers/youtubers like me.
2. Someone who is already making DIY stuff at home and has a Facebook page on which they try to sell the same stuff.
3. Someone who has future plans to start a home business.
4. Or moms who live in a joint family setup who has some support in day to day chores.
5. Or moms who have a live-in maid or adequate sources/resources to manage the unmanageable
6. Or moms who are depressed or feeling lonely who need some validation from the likes and shares their posts receive
There could be exceptions to the above though.
There are still some real supermoms who somehow manage to get done with their chores, take care of their children and still have the energy to make some time for kids for activities/games/play time and work magic with their little ones. Hats off to those moms 🙂
But, that percentile is steeply low.
In reality, most of the moms struggle with simple stuff which seemed easier prior to parenthood.
Next time you see such post just remember these.
1. You are not alone, definitely not alone.
2. All what you see isn’t the whole picture. There are censored stuff behind those picture perfect posts
3. Not all Moms are DIY moms and not all of them have enough time/patience to work on it every single day
4. You are doing your best for your child and you are best at it. Validation is not mandatory 🙂
5. Facebook is just a trend today and it would subside in a few years. But you would have a lovely grownup kid by then.
6. There would be good mood days and you could do your best to keep your child entertained and make rosy memories
7. Yes the likes and shares of your facebook posts does not define your success or your little munchkin’s success 🙂
Let me end with a twist from a fairy tale.
You: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the supermom of all?
Mirror: “You are looking at one J” – your kid will say it to all
If you could relate to this post or think of someone you know would like to be reminded of this stuff, then please share this post on your favorite mom group using the link below 😉
If you have felt the same way and have overcome the guilt factor, then please drop in a comment of how you did it 🙂
There is nothing like a wonderful comment that would make my day 🙂
if you liked this post, then am sure you would like my previous post on “ Why one child does not need all the toys? ” 🙂